Browsing the archives for the Ringl tag.

She sells sea shells

Written on June 27, 2009 by

I received an email this past week that asked me to “…expedite this as expeditiously as possible…” and of course I had to respond and one-up my coworker. Thus, I replied, “As your expeditor, I expeditiously expedited this egregious error.”

It was a little sloppy in many ways, but it occurred to me: truly, alliterative verse is the highest form of language mankind has ever known.

You all should try it too! Instead of finishing a meal and saying, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done.” Try saying, “Stick a spork in my side, I’m satisfied!” (There’s a bonus off-rhyme in that too!)

Then we can all use alliteration liberally in all situations. Perhaps in some of the following situations?

When postulating a pertinent point:
“Peter may be perturbed that we’ve pumped piranha into his pool.”

To chastise a child:
“Randy Ringl, raise your rear from the recliner and write your report!”

A larcenist has lifted your lunch?
“Return my Reuben!”

The constant of kibitzing of a comrade:
“Stupid Shaw still hasn’t updated! Surely he must suffer from some serious sickness!”
“Seriously Shaw, stop screwing around!”

All in all, I’m wishing I was back in high school for a week so that I could actually do something cool with those stupid 500 word papers I had to write all the time,


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Spock Returns

Written on June 25, 2009 by

He keeps making his way around. At least this time he’s being friendly.

Chief Science Officer Spock wants you to live long and prosper.

Oh crap! Mirror Spock! Run!

Mirror Spock

(you didn’t see me here)

(if you’re having trouble imagining me not being here, just pretend I’m Shaw)

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An ironic blog

Written on June 23, 2009 by
blog, memes

Since the first days of the internet abbreviations have been embraced and encouraged. I’m not sure how it got started, and because I’m refusing to do any real research on this I’m going to relay personal experiences and declare my words as fact.

Early on in the heyday of AOL, I (as a young lad of 10 or 11) would enter a chat room to foster relationships with complete strangers. Now the internet was young at this point and as you met people you would ask a lot of the same questions over and over again. This led to one of the most honored of chatting rituals: “ASL?”

ASL, for the uninitiated, stands for “age, sex, and location?” Nowadays you couldn’t trust that information to be factual in any way shape or form, but in an earlier time you knew that men were men, women were women and 14-year-olds that start conversations with complete strangers and provide way to much information were Chris Hansen. Ahh, it was a simpler time.

At any rate, the internet embraced the acronym. In fact, I remember playing a game known as Acrophobia, a game based around fitting words to random letters, and everyone getting excited when letters came up that internet acronyms already existed for. It became a key piece of the culture of the internet, to know this secret language.

One abreviation that borders on being a meme is “tl;dr”, or “too long; didn’t read”.


Undoubtedly, if you ever browse comments on news sites or blogs you’ve seen this acronym. Perhaps you’ve wondered what it means? Well I can definitively tell you it’s implied meaning is “the internet has made me too dumb/impatient to read something that can’t be compressed down to a 5 second sound byte.” But let’s break it down a bit further.

First, what qualifies as too long? Is it some defined word count? A number of sentences? Paragraphs? Is font size taken into account? I would like to argue that it is determined by a formula that depends on several variables. Let’s assume that the average person reads 250 words per minute (did that count as research?) and the average attention span is 15 minutes. Using this figure we could easily figure out how many words something would have to be before someone would consider it too long.

However, we’re talking about the internet. In the sub-culture that has formed within its incorporeal mass most people have been conditioned to receive instant gratification. Type a URL, see a website. Click a link, look at a funny picture of a cat (see above). Open the video attached to an email, hate Rick Astley just a little more. So with this spirit in mind let’s shorten that attention span to 5 minutes. (Also this brings us to the “didn’t read” portion of tl;dr, anyone who uses a contraction in an acronym while typing is clearly too busy for LIFE).

With all that in mind some simple math leads us to a 1,250 word article being too long, right? Wrong! Clearly we’ve forgotten to add in the variables that will shorten this even further. Here is a list of modifiers to the average word count that we’ve arrived at. For instance, if you are at work you multiply 1,250 by .25 to arrive at an acceptable word count of 312.5. Then take into account that you’re at work and on an hour long lunch break. So you have 1,250 multiplied by .25 plus 100 for a total of 412.5 words.

Working: .25
Actually Working: .1
Actually working and not lying about it: .01
Day off: .5 (you’ve still got better stuff to do!)
You’re a grammar nazi: 5 

(while working) taking a break: 25 words per every 15 minutes the break lasts
Tired: -100 words
Super tired: -500 words
Working on a paper for school: -1000

Sure it’s a lot of variables to deal with, but it’s math! And math doesn’t lie! It just gets slanted.

Feel free to add modifiers in the comments




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My desk

Written on June 20, 2009 by
blog, eye catching

When I got into work yesterday this is what my workspace looked like. It’s littered with post-it notes for things I need to get done soon. There’s a monitor on the right that I use when I’m working on a computer that comes into the office for maintenance. The picture of me with Shaw’s mom in the corner of the aforementioned monitor. My sweet Duke Nukem mousepad. My desk fan. Just take a look:

…wait…. what’s that on the left side of my desk? I didn’t have anything there when I left on Thursday…

Odd… perhaps a coworker left something for me. Let’s zoom in.

Oh! It’s just chief science officer Spock aiming his phaser at a helpless Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu who is trapped in a half filled water bottle with a sign that reads “Help me”

That’s not canon at all…


Mr. Spock has intentions to harm you.

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Great gig in the sky

Written on April 25, 2009 by

Worth seeing:

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Don't look at me!

Written on March 17, 2009 by

Look, Shaw, you’re not getting word one out of me until I see this video extolling the virtues of Harry Potter.

I’m stinkin’ excited!




Written on March 5, 2009 by

I run across a lot of news on the internets and some of it is just crazy to read. Here are some of the better ones I’ve run across recently.

  • This guy is Harry Houdini’s hero.
  • These sorts of shenanigans are exactly what inspired Jesus to start flipping tables. Also the headline is an absolutely terrible pun.
  • I proposed to my wife in a mexican resturant. This guy did it better. Make sure you click on the “Photo” tab!
  • Here is one of many stories about people misusing 911. You can spend all day watching these on Youtube. It will likely provide enjoyment, then make you mad, and then it becomes funny again.
  • This last one is super old, but whenever I try to have a conversation with someone about it he or she has never heard about it. This is an effort to remedy that! Apparently studies have been done that claim that the amount of dynamite used was nowhere near enough.

Since I don’t watch much sports, these are the types of things that I talk about at the water cooler. I guess that says something.


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Bonus! Off-day post

Written on February 20, 2009 by
eye catching

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn’t belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?



My podcasts

Written on February 19, 2009 by

Here is a view into how I tick: my podcast list.


For some reason I feel compelled to explain, so I will.

For those of you who ask where we can find stuff on the internet, with the Best of YouTube podcast, a good bit of it comes to me.

Dilbert Animated Cartoons I suscribed to only recently. They’re pretty much just daily Dilbert comics that have been animated. It’s not as good as the series, but still worth a chuckle.

Downloadable Content is a podcast in which two guys sit around and talk about video game news and write comics. It appeals to me because it combines two things I really love: playing video games and just sitting around chatting it up.

That next one is a little embarrassing… I’m just gonna move along and let Shaw formulate some jokes later.

The Lost Podcast with Jay and Jack is a fantastic little find for any LOST fan. I recommend it highly. They post once on Thursdays and Mondays with Lost recaps, crackpot theories and a few other Lost oriented secments.

Old Jews Telling Jokes is a bit weird, but for some reason it stays in that list. It’s just elderly men and women telling jokes. Most podcasts are less than a minute long, and I think they only update once a week, but I don’t think I could unsubscribe from that one if I tried.

Olive Online is my church’s podcast of the Sunday morning and evening services. I really being able to go back and listen to stuff that either I’ve missed, or I can’t remember some point the speaker made. Also my mind tends to get stuck on one point while I’m actually there so I like being able to listen to the whole thing again.

Stuff You Should Know is a part of the “How Stuff Works” network and it’s got a lot of interesting tidbits. The newest episode is about how going over Niagra works. I’m kind of excited. I’d be more excited if it also had a tag line, “tips and tricks from the pros.”

Too Lost Guys is another LOST podcast. This one is a bit more bite-sized and only updates once a week, but it’s got a lot of charm to make up for it.

So those are what I’ve got, anyone else out there want to share podcasts they can’t live without? Comment it up!


Shaw replied on February 21, 2009 at 4:47pm

Webcomics Weekly didn’t make your list?


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High Five

Written on February 12, 2009 by
blog, informative

For our latest mission, Agent Lathan gave out 2,000 high fives by standing next to a subway escalator during the morning rush. Five additional agents spread out along the adjacent stairs, holding signs that prepared commuters for the upcoming high five fun. Enjoy the video first and then check out the mission report and photos below.

via High Five Escalator at Improv Everywhere.

Those of you on the interwebs who know me personally can attest to the fact that I am a man who loves high fives. I find the video above enlightening.

It is no secret that I’ve been busier of late. And I’ve been finding that my free time is a commodity that must be properly distributed. Unfortunately, that means those of you who have been waiting for me to post something new (my wife), are left hanging when I’m unable to get something up in time.

My solution is to work ahead a bit. What I am doing is setting up my updates ahead of time where I can, and when it’s my turn to throw something up I’ll have it set to update at noon on the expected day. If for some reason I’m behind, I’ll go ahead and take my lunch at Whataburger with free wifi access and get together what I can.

Love and Kisses

Shaw replied on February 12, 2009 at 10:12 am

And in the mean time, Shaw slaves away, posting all the time and providing valuable content for our readers!

On a side note, I’m pretty sure we use the word “interweb” in every post now. I really hope that doesn’t become our “Superman” in Seinfeld.


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