She sells sea shells

Written on June 27, 2009 by
blog

I received an email this past week that asked me to “…expedite this as expeditiously as possible…” and of course I had to respond and one-up my coworker. Thus, I replied, “As your expeditor, I expeditiously expedited this egregious error.”

It was a little sloppy in many ways, but it occurred to me: truly, alliterative verse is the highest form of language mankind has ever known.

You all should try it too! Instead of finishing a meal and saying, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done.” Try saying, “Stick a spork in my side, I’m satisfied!” (There’s a bonus off-rhyme in that too!)

Then we can all use alliteration liberally in all situations. Perhaps in some of the following situations?

When postulating a pertinent point:
“Peter may be perturbed that we’ve pumped piranha into his pool.”

To chastise a child:
“Randy Ringl, raise your rear from the recliner and write your report!”

A larcenist has lifted your lunch?
“Return my Reuben!”

The constant of kibitzing of a comrade:
“Stupid Shaw still hasn’t updated! Surely he must suffer from some serious sickness!”
“Seriously Shaw, stop screwing around!”

All in all, I’m wishing I was back in high school for a week so that I could actually do something cool with those stupid 500 word papers I had to write all the time,

–ringl

1 Comment

One Response

  1. BIL  •  June 28, 2009 @1:03 pm

    Ringl has Rendered me Retarded with his cReative wRiting:
    “Amazing, the awesomeness of your alliterative alliterations”