Real Content: The Band, Episode 1-1

Written on July 21, 2009 by
eye catching, informative, music, news

The title of Ringl’s last post is pretty accurate. It appears that’s what Warptubes is becoming, a “dump” for Ringl’s Digg compilations.

But never fear, ‘Tubers: Shaw has come back to save you from boredom. My long hiatus was due to the work I’ve been doing with NBC. My band here in Houston, known as AquaTree, got picked up for a new mockumentary series entitled “The Band”.

I managed to get permission to share the short pilot with you, the readers. The series has unfortunately been postponed until the fall due to our upcoming world tour.


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video dump

Written on June 30, 2009 by
blog, eye catching


I enjoy videos of people scaring one another. This one takes the cake:

I’ve seen some cool things from SCAD and this is among the best:


Most everyone has seen Afro Ninja. But I recently discovered that he has been given a chance at redemption:

It’s better than nothing, right?


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She sells sea shells

Written on June 27, 2009 by

I received an email this past week that asked me to “…expedite this as expeditiously as possible…” and of course I had to respond and one-up my coworker. Thus, I replied, “As your expeditor, I expeditiously expedited this egregious error.”

It was a little sloppy in many ways, but it occurred to me: truly, alliterative verse is the highest form of language mankind has ever known.

You all should try it too! Instead of finishing a meal and saying, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done.” Try saying, “Stick a spork in my side, I’m satisfied!” (There’s a bonus off-rhyme in that too!)

Then we can all use alliteration liberally in all situations. Perhaps in some of the following situations?

When postulating a pertinent point:
“Peter may be perturbed that we’ve pumped piranha into his pool.”

To chastise a child:
“Randy Ringl, raise your rear from the recliner and write your report!”

A larcenist has lifted your lunch?
“Return my Reuben!”

The constant of kibitzing of a comrade:
“Stupid Shaw still hasn’t updated! Surely he must suffer from some serious sickness!”
“Seriously Shaw, stop screwing around!”

All in all, I’m wishing I was back in high school for a week so that I could actually do something cool with those stupid 500 word papers I had to write all the time,


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Spock Returns

Written on June 25, 2009 by

He keeps making his way around. At least this time he’s being friendly.

Chief Science Officer Spock wants you to live long and prosper.

Oh crap! Mirror Spock! Run!

Mirror Spock

(you didn’t see me here)

(if you’re having trouble imagining me not being here, just pretend I’m Shaw)

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An ironic blog

Written on June 23, 2009 by
blog, memes

Since the first days of the internet abbreviations have been embraced and encouraged. I’m not sure how it got started, and because I’m refusing to do any real research on this I’m going to relay personal experiences and declare my words as fact.

Early on in the heyday of AOL, I (as a young lad of 10 or 11) would enter a chat room to foster relationships with complete strangers. Now the internet was young at this point and as you met people you would ask a lot of the same questions over and over again. This led to one of the most honored of chatting rituals: “ASL?”

ASL, for the uninitiated, stands for “age, sex, and location?” Nowadays you couldn’t trust that information to be factual in any way shape or form, but in an earlier time you knew that men were men, women were women and 14-year-olds that start conversations with complete strangers and provide way to much information were Chris Hansen. Ahh, it was a simpler time.

At any rate, the internet embraced the acronym. In fact, I remember playing a game known as Acrophobia, a game based around fitting words to random letters, and everyone getting excited when letters came up that internet acronyms already existed for. It became a key piece of the culture of the internet, to know this secret language.

One abreviation that borders on being a meme is “tl;dr”, or “too long; didn’t read”.


Undoubtedly, if you ever browse comments on news sites or blogs you’ve seen this acronym. Perhaps you’ve wondered what it means? Well I can definitively tell you it’s implied meaning is “the internet has made me too dumb/impatient to read something that can’t be compressed down to a 5 second sound byte.” But let’s break it down a bit further.

First, what qualifies as too long? Is it some defined word count? A number of sentences? Paragraphs? Is font size taken into account? I would like to argue that it is determined by a formula that depends on several variables. Let’s assume that the average person reads 250 words per minute (did that count as research?) and the average attention span is 15 minutes. Using this figure we could easily figure out how many words something would have to be before someone would consider it too long.

However, we’re talking about the internet. In the sub-culture that has formed within its incorporeal mass most people have been conditioned to receive instant gratification. Type a URL, see a website. Click a link, look at a funny picture of a cat (see above). Open the video attached to an email, hate Rick Astley just a little more. So with this spirit in mind let’s shorten that attention span to 5 minutes. (Also this brings us to the “didn’t read” portion of tl;dr, anyone who uses a contraction in an acronym while typing is clearly too busy for LIFE).

With all that in mind some simple math leads us to a 1,250 word article being too long, right? Wrong! Clearly we’ve forgotten to add in the variables that will shorten this even further. Here is a list of modifiers to the average word count that we’ve arrived at. For instance, if you are at work you multiply 1,250 by .25 to arrive at an acceptable word count of 312.5. Then take into account that you’re at work and on an hour long lunch break. So you have 1,250 multiplied by .25 plus 100 for a total of 412.5 words.

Working: .25
Actually Working: .1
Actually working and not lying about it: .01
Day off: .5 (you’ve still got better stuff to do!)
You’re a grammar nazi: 5 

(while working) taking a break: 25 words per every 15 minutes the break lasts
Tired: -100 words
Super tired: -500 words
Working on a paper for school: -1000

Sure it’s a lot of variables to deal with, but it’s math! And math doesn’t lie! It just gets slanted.

Feel free to add modifiers in the comments




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My desk

Written on June 20, 2009 by
blog, eye catching

When I got into work yesterday this is what my workspace looked like. It’s littered with post-it notes for things I need to get done soon. There’s a monitor on the right that I use when I’m working on a computer that comes into the office for maintenance. The picture of me with Shaw’s mom in the corner of the aforementioned monitor. My sweet Duke Nukem mousepad. My desk fan. Just take a look:

…wait…. what’s that on the left side of my desk? I didn’t have anything there when I left on Thursday…

Odd… perhaps a coworker left something for me. Let’s zoom in.

Oh! It’s just chief science officer Spock aiming his phaser at a helpless Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu who is trapped in a half filled water bottle with a sign that reads “Help me”

That’s not canon at all…


Mr. Spock has intentions to harm you.

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The Duke (not him, the other one)

Written on June 18, 2009 by
blog, videogames

Just thought you all should know that I own the most awesome mousepad ever.

Our next piece is a couple months old, so some of you may have seen it, but if it ever actually exists I would grab it so that I could not only have the best mouse pad ever, but also the best mouse ever.

In the spirit of providing information, I must share that I’m working on a couple small projects to post up here. I can’t say it will be affixed to a rigid schedule, but I’m sure I will be posting at least twice more this month. We are, however, working on getting a revamped schedule going. News on that later.


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Nothin' here

Written on June 16, 2009 by
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Man in Snuggie Attempted Burglary

Written on May 15, 2009 by

It’s not just me, this is ridiculous, right?

Cops: Man in Snuggie attempted burglary | Daily Record | Daily Record.



I pity the fool

Written on April 30, 2009 by
eye catching

“Who’d expect B.A. Baracus to shirk his civic duty?.




Apparently Mr. T is a regular guy who shows up for Jury duty, hangs out with the other jurors and collects his $17.20 before heading back home to “T Manors”. Fantastic!

From the article, “If you’re innocent, I’m your best man,” he said. “But if you’re guilty, I pity that fool.”


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